The countdown is on

As you can see by the countdown ticker at the top of the page, there are just 121 days left until my Natural Nationals show. That's about 17 weeks. Only 4 months! While this might sound like a lot to some, it's not a lot of time to drop a bunch of weight and gain a whack of lean protein. It's time to get SERIOUS.

So what does "serious" look like? Well, to everyone it'll look different. For me? It means only ONE cheat meal a week (if that). It means being cognizant of every bite I take and understanding how it's going to help me get to where I want to be. It means going to the gym at least 5x a week. It means adding an extra plate, and pushing out that last rep on every set. It means visualizing how I want to look on stage in a few short months.

Quitting - it's so easy to think about and do. But what do we end up with in the end? I know that I'll ultimately end up with regret. And one of my life's long mottos has been to live life with no regrets.

I think back to when I was a little girl, taking ballet class in a freezing cold classroom at the local skating rink. I loved ballet. I loved watching it; I loved dancing it. Was I good? Not really. I was a tall, inflexible, shy girl who didn't really quite understand what I enjoyed doing and why I enjoyed doing it.

Until... one year I had a ballet teacher I really didn't like. While we were all wearing our short-sleeved leotards and tights, freezing our poor little a$$es off, she was donning warm leg warmers and a long-sleeved leotard. While trying to stretch my hamstrings - something I've never been good at - she would come behind me and push on my back, forcing me to touch my toes in an oh so painful way. Each time I attempted the splits (not something easily accomplished by the inflexible), she would look at me with a disappointed look. I didn't want to be miserable because of her anymore. So... I quit.

I told my parents that I didn't like ballet anymore. Which, years later, I realized wasn't true. What I didn't like was the teacher, and the way she treated me. To this day, I still visit Toronto to go see the National Ballet of Canada perform, and each performance I watch a little part of me inside desires to be up on that stage, wishing I had never quit ballet all because of a bad teacher.

Today, I think of this lesson. What did it teach me? Life is going to throw at all of us some pretty crappy stuff. Will it be challenging to overcome? Yes. But, ultimately, we need to remember what it is we want at the end... why is it we started down this path?

I started training because I wanted to prove to myself that I too can be just as ripped as those girls I saw on stage 5 years ago when I went to watch my first show. Now, having proven that, I'm training to prove to myself that I can be even better than I was two years ago at my last show.

It's time to start unveiling the new me. And that time starts now!

Throwback Thursday

I've been debating actually showing these pics to "the world" because I don't feel like I've reached the pinnacle of my training. But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized... I will NEVER reach that pinnacle. I will always be striving for the best, and I need to reflect on the positives that have gotten me to where I am today; those same positives that drive me to tomorrow.

What do I see when I compare the pics below? Here are just a few things:

• I went from a bikini competitor to a figure competitor in less than two years
• I went from being skinny fat, to having more lean muscle mass than ever before
• I really like the muscle starting to form on the side of my quad
• I can see triceps!!
• More definition in my abs
• Although the shoulder muscle is long, it's becoming more prominent
• My smile in 2012 is much more genuine

I'm now 20 weeks out from my next show - Natural Nationals in August. And the road ahead is a daunting one. I've put on a fair bit of body fat over the past year and a half of off-season splurging. But I have to have faith that my hard work at the gym up to now and to come will pay off with more muscle mass as well. These next 20 weeks will be devoted to staying on track, eating right, and killing it at the gym. When these 20 weeks are behind me, I hope to post a new pic for 2014... this time with a shiny piece of hardware in my hands.

My inspiration? A few things...

Mostly my friends and family helping me along the way. My coach. And also, Ava Cowan, who most recently placed an amazing third after overcoming so many personal obstacles. You can read all about her Journey Back to Strength here:
http://www.fitnessrxwomen.com/life-health/ava-cowans-journey-back-to-strength/

The Pod of Depression

For those who don't know what the Bod Pod is - it measures body composition via air displacement... "Magic," as far as I'm concerned. And my belief is it should be renamed to "The Pod of Depression."

Like most people, I don't have the luxury of having such equipment in my own home. And can't afford to get regular assessments done with one of these. So, I own your run-of-the-mill bioimpedence scale.

Yes, I'm fully aware that these aren't the most accurate ways to measure body composition. But, I figured it would suffice to get a rough idea of what kind of body fat % versus muscle mass I was dealing with.

Well boy was I in for a shock!! Knowing that I'm a bit more flubbery than I'd like to be, I wasn't going into the Bod Pod expecting athletic results. But finding out that I'm just 0.2% shy of having "excess fat" was enough to make me curl up in a ball and cry! Or throw something at the machine at least.

...But I didn't.

I put on my gym clothes and hit the gym hard that night! I'm on week 2 of eating clean - I'm talking little to no cheat meals whatsoever - and I'm feeling great! I'm more focused than ever.

In addition to my regular strength training 5x a week, I have now signed up for a bootcamp twice a week as part of a "get healthy" initiative with my company. Big props to my employer, by the way, for helping to fund said Pod of Depression and the 10-week bootcamp endeavour!

In 10 weeks I will step into Ye Ole Pod of Depression once again. And I plan to crush it! Not with body fat, but the lack thereof!! Lean body here I come!

Even the Good Fall Down

I can't even begin to count how many times someone has said to me "I wish I had your will power!" Little do they know that my will power is TERRIBLE!! If I even think of a pizza, next thing I know I'm at the nearest Little Caesars ordering a pepperoni Hot N Ready that I will devour all by myself. This happens more times than not, by the way.

Today I woke up (having devoured half a large Frank and Gus pizza the night before) feeling like utter crap. My self esteem is shot, my jeans no longer fit, my muffin top is growing more and more every day. I need to take control of me, my life, and what I eat. I can be so focused when there is a goal. But when the goal is six months (or more) away, then I've got a problem. There are far too many excuses that I use to rationalize the poor choices I make in my eating habits.

So today I'm making myself accountable... to my husband, to my coach, to whomever will read this blog... to ME! I know if I fill my diet with clean eats I'll be feeling great in no time!

That's not to say I'll never eat pizza again, or that I won't indulge a little here and there. But that the "here and there" are spread further apart than 2 days, and that the pizza ordering doesn't happen on any given Sunday.

Today I start building a better me - mentally and physically!

2014 Goals to a Better Me

It's been a LOOOOONNNNNNG time since I posted to my blog. But there is no time like the present to start it up again and try to keep myself in check. This year it's all about creating a better ME! I don't mean that in a conceited way, but that I intend to be the fittest, healthiest, strongest person in 2014 - not just physically but, most importantly, mentally.

Some of my goals for achieving this include:

Spending quality time with positive people
I've learned that being around negativity day in and day out really brings me down. It's crazy to think how much of an impact someone with a bad attitude can have on MY mood! Similarly, I need to be more cognizant of my mood and how it affects others, and try to be more positive myself.

Qualitative, not just quantitative workouts
Working out has become a huge part of my life, and I hope that will continue. But, in 2014 I want to not only go to the gym regularly (i.e. at least 5x a week), I also want to have the best workout ever while I'm there. This means concentrating on every breath, every move, and every exercise.

There are always going to be distractions at the gym, and I'll take them in stride. But, for the most part, I want to put in my headphones and have an undistracted mind/muscle connection each time I'm there. If I'm not giving it 100%, then why waste my time being there?

Don't sweat the small stuff
I need to learn to let go every once in a while. Will I always get to the gym? No. Will I always eat clean? No. Why put such pressure on myself? I need to learn to allow myself to just do me sometimes, and not beat myself up if I slip here and there.

To help clear my mind and keep me in check, I'm setting the goal to do (more) yoga this year. The reason "more" is in parentheses is because in 2013 I didn't do any.... oops! I'm hoping that yoga - or some form of it - will help with a number of my resolutions, including strengthening my ability to concentrate more on my workouts, and providing me with the self reflection needed to be a better me.

These are just a few of my goals for 2014. What are yours?